


Embers that Smoulder

by AntisocialHistorian



Category: The Greatest Showman (2017)
Genre: M/M, Phillip is healing, Text heavy, he realises it's okay to love, not much dialogue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-07-11 22:59:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15982304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AntisocialHistorian/pseuds/AntisocialHistorian
Summary: He burned now, kindled by Phineas and left free, no longer contained and controlled; he felt, and feeling was what had taken him so off guard, but feeling and vulnerability was the greatest choice he could've ever made.





	Embers that Smoulder

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own The Greatest Showman.
> 
> If anyone has anything they would like me to write, feel free to let me know.
> 
> Let me know of any grammatical mistakes if they bug you, I didn't really edit this.

_"_ _So trade that typical for something colorful_  
_And if it's crazy, live a little crazy_  
_You can play it sensible, a king of conventional_  
_Or you can risk it all and see,"_

 

* * *

 

 

Falling in love was something Phillip had never intended to do, never known  _how_ to do and for a long period of time, it had seemed to be a construct invented by desperation of people and love should and would simply avoid him. There had been hidden secrets in his life but nothing that should or could be admitted by either parties for fear of persecution. Another issue was that  _Phillip Carlyle,_ the son of such prestigious people, valuable members of society shouldn't dabble or associate with others like he did, such deviant behaviour was unacceptable, wrong in every perceived and imagined way. 

Evading love for so long, there was never any preparation to be slammed by it full force, have all the air and comprehension squashed out of him upon the realisation: he was in love. Enter someone who had split his life into jagged, shattered edges, hurting him, healing him, soothing him, caring for him and loving him. Hazel eyes that would rid the fears and brown hair that was easy to bury his hands into, grip when he was losing himself in one of their many nights of passion, that left Phillip aching but conscious that if this man was to leave, he would never be right again. A baritone voice that would whisper reassurance and loving compliments, comments. Enter P.T Barnum, a separated married man who was bound to ruin his life. 

The separated married man bound to ruin him didn't ruin him. Instead, he brought embers that smouldered, and fed the fire that burnt within Phillip because he was set alight, not in the typical, experienced way, there wasn't sweaty hands and racing hearts, that Phillip knew and understood. Usually, it was calmness, security and an innate knowledge that he needed P.T as much as P.T needed him. In the late summer nights, and cosy winter afternoons, the fire was stoked with more fuel, to burn again, stronger than before and it was a warmth that spread rapidly, desire inexplicably wrapped up and correlated to his fantasies and futures. With each time the fire was fed, it grew in it's potency and then and there, Phillip knew love, it wasn't an invented construct, it was real and effective and it seared, imprinting it.

"There is always some madness in love," Phillip murmured one day, watching P.T with a fondness in his eyes, embers still glowing, strong as they always were.

"I readily accept this madness," P.T said absently, continuing to read his book, and Phillip settled back down, calmed by P.T's absent words, recognising that even in his distracted state, P.T could tell him what he needed to hear, and those words would be laced with truth.

It was natural, rarely prompted and when he reflected on the charming whispers that he would have spontaneously whispered to him, their relationship extending out of whichever bedroom they decided to use, leaking over into all aspects of life. He was given what he needed, given more than a dozen good reasons to stay and open himself up to his lover. Never once had he been judged, even when he woke screaming at night, pleading with figures that weren't there to not hurt him, even when he thrashed and fought the phantom smell of smoke and blistering flames. There was no 'it's okay' instead it was always 'I'm here' followed a strong embrace that pulled Phillip down to Earth. He didn't want to be told it was okay because he knew it wasn't going to be for a long time, especially the nightmares about his parents, they would never fade. No, Phineas would always tell him that he wasn't alone, and that's what he needed, to know that someone was there to care and he wasn't all alone in the world, he wasn't trapped by parents who couldn't stand the sight of him, he wasn't choking on flames, fighting for the only friend he had known. A man with an unshakeable love for him would hold him tight and anchor him, save him from the corners of his mind and set him upright to face the world with a  _smile._ Phillip hadn't smiled before. Now, each day, he would be at the circus laughing and smiling with such frequency you wouldn't believe it was him, because how was it possible for such a broken man to transform himself, and plunge into the unknown, finally becoming content and happy with his life.

Breathing. Stopping the constant running from himself. Walls tumbled down. Colours entered. That's what had happened. No, he hadn't been saved, but he was supported. Standing in the circus, doing their dual routines side by side, every other day, twice a day was all he had asked for, and Phineas delivered and did twice as much. Friendship, belonging and a family who would accept him as he was because they had seen the worst of the world, and now they too were learning to see the best along with him, whether it be finding acceptance or blossoming relationships, simple basic things they had all been deprived of.

He enjoyed the burning within himself, and he enjoyed following the dangerous and narrow road that he had labelled as love, he enjoyed the nights that P.T was driven mad with lust and need, a side that was private to him. The acceptance that came in his nights of vulnerability, he loved and cherished. Boiling it down, it was his lover that he enjoyed.

The burning was a welcome sensation, and when the embers started to smoulder, Phillip panicked, he fought it and he cried about it. But P.T Barnum proved himself to be the best match. The only match.

Though fire had seared him, shattered him before, the fear that he once carried faded, as the smouldering embers turned burning flames warmed him from the inside, telling him he was in love, love more than simple desire. Love for a separated married man who was bound to ruin him, but had instead pieced the shattered shards back together to make an imperfect but whole shape. And in the imperfect shape, was a shard belonging to Phineas Taylor Barnum. He deserved the spot.

* * *

 

 _"But you would finally live a little, finally laugh a little_  
_Just let me give you the freedom to dream_  
_And it'll wake you up and cure your aching_  
_Take your walls and start 'em breaking,"_

**Author's Note:**

> My return to education has really piled on the work load, and so I barely have time to breathe most days, hence leading to these shorter stories.
> 
> I am working on something long term in any spare time I have, so hopefully you can hold on with me as I struggle to write it.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed.


End file.
